From Dashing to Damning. How To Seriously Tell If The Guy You Are Dating Could Be a Psychopath
by | Team Mama Wins | September 4th, 2018
So, you think you have met your soul-mate, huh? This someone has quickly swept you off your feet, and it's as if you’re both in a bubble of an undeniable true love. It's you and him against the world. He understands you in all the ways no one else ever has, and he makes you feel amazing because every area you’re insecure in, he has secured well. You have finally found the one you have been waiting for your entire life, your soul-mate has arrived.
Stop. Take a step back and understand that most likely this person who somehow captured your heart in every way like no other could is not your soul-mate, but your biggest predator. The psychopath.
Quick Lesson in Psychotics 101: We all have some madness in us, and that is part of human nature. When emotions run high we may say or do 'crazy' things but that does not define an actual psychopath.
Psychopathy is a condition that was first applied to patients by doctors in the 1900’s who seemed to be outwardly normal but inwardly they lacked all sense of ethics, values of others’ lives, and rights. The term Sociopath then came along regarding the damage these individuals would cause amongst society, but the sociopath became noted as the lesser of the evils, and the diagnoses of psychopath made a much-needed comeback. The psychopath is also referred to as the ultimate predator, and for good reason.
Without experience or proper knowledge of the signs these academy award winning civilians show during their stellar performances as they lure you in, these dangerous personalities are hard to spot making it almost impossible to protect yourself from them. In fact, you could be sitting next to one right now and not ever know it. Only their victims know the real person they are, and guaranteed those victims are still trying to bounce back from the devastation and ruin this individual brought to their life.
I’ll have you know you’re reading the words from a victim who still is trying to get her life back from the damage one has caused them, and its of great importance to her that she may share the signs that are very real, but you may be missing them, as a psychopath is a very socially skilled person who has only learned you, not stolen your heart.
Psychopaths are not capable of love, but they’re phenomenal at acting like they are. In truth, they only are feeding off you to entertain themselves, and to ultimately own you and own you - forever.
Take these signs seriously. A relationship with a psychopath is not a relationship. It is a game, and the goal is your destruction.
Let’s start signaling your sirens, shall we?
Possess Superlative Charm & in the Exact Way You Find Charming
Their charm is hypnotic often leaving your mind in a trance like a very relaxed and peaceful state which leaves you open and vulnerable to influence and suggestion.
A psychopath can be anyone you desire or need, and they will be exactly that while keeping an intense focus on you. They intend to learn you and what buttons to push and which insecurities to secure. Hence, they are exactly who you want, maybe need.
This is when they come in to disarm you and your personal boundaries, Look, this 'heroic' charm is often the only early sign of a psychopath, and the most dangerous. It is what makes it so damn hard to walk away. This person is not who they are though.
They invented a version of themselves to plant in your mind for when this mask vanishes, and to lure you in hopes to trap you; own you. Know yourself well and watch for this charm, and instantly feeling they understand you in all the ways no one else ever could.
Nine times out of ten it’s a methodical start to their self-gratification game. It’s the perfect fit in to your heart, and mind. That’s what they need to feed off you and keep you. Their charm will fade but always make a return when the predator senses it is necessary. Its never been authentic so never trust it, period. Its an M/O.
“A psychopath can tell what you’re thinking but what they don’t do is feel what you feel. These are people without a conscience.”
– Robert D. Hare
They Quickly Reveal Intimate Details about Themselves, and Their Past.
The psychopath will find ways to throw in intimate details about their past pains, crazy exes who ruined them, their family issues, and even childhood traumas. They’re playing the sympathy and vulnerability victim card.
This exposes you more as we tend to be vulnerable with the people who are vulnerable with us, but often their stories are lies or very embellished. If they are telling you such pieces to their puzzle early in the relationship - there’s a motive behind it and it is to lure you in deeper to feel you’re connected to them in a way you never have been with anyone before. Watch out if they do this. It is abnormal, especially for a secure and stable man. Their looks will still be great, and possibly give you flutters, but there will be a difference in authenticity. Your instincts will know, so listen to them.
A Smooth Talker, and is Always Very Much at Ease
They know what you want to hear and exactly what to say in every situation. He is polite, kind to servers, and knows exactly what to say to you to send you over the top and own all your attention.
In social situations he will come off as very comfortable, relaxed and at ease. They never seem bothered by much, never jealous but a friendly and fun person who makes you to be the apple of their eye, especially in public. Often, only in public.
They have an image to maintain and a heart to steal - yours, their prey. Note: Internally they are not feeling those ways they’re portraying. This is simple outwardly projecting a false reality. Hey, they have a mask to keep on and an image to maintain. And that gift of the gab? Watch out for it. It blinds you; it works wonders. There are very chill people, but this type of, 'at ease' will stick out like a sore thumb. You may even find it concerning at times.
Claims To Be An Extremely Happy Person But…
Despite the many people they have told you about who they were victimized by in their past or their childhood. The Psychopath will boast loudly and be adamant about how happy they are and how well they’re doing in their career, and personal life. They’re bold about this.
They must be sure you perceive them as this accomplished and well fit person who is only winning, and rising above all the destruction others brought on them. You will notice an abnormal and constant projection of this, and with emotion in it. Its false. And, the so-called crazy predators they were victims of? Most likely these stories are flipped, twisted and highly manipulated in attempt to invoke sympathy from you, so you see them as wounded, yet strong. Also, most will be complete fabrications of a real situation, but psychopaths tend to like to make real life only as they want it seen. That’s until the truth comes out. Always keep in mind that these types will stop at nothing to not become exposed. Be careful.
“Part of being a psychopath is an ability to dissociate from one reality, and create another one, entirely.”
- Zachary Quinto
That Look They Give You from Day One…
When your eyes lock with his you have never felt so beautiful or wanted in your life. In an instant all insecurities vanish, and his complete attention is on you, flattering you whilst leaving you feeling great about yourself unlike ever before.
The way he looks at you will send out an intensified version of feelings that is elating and best put, bewitching. This is a method they use to pull you in closer and closer. They know just what to say and do and when. They are better to you in public and when they know people are watching rather than when behind closed doors.
When you start wanting to always be out of the house when with them then you know there’s an issue. The way their eyes are staring at you, the tone and vibe they’re giving off is happening, and its hard not to let it affect you terribly. Keep in mind, it is fabricated, and it is not something that is for you, but more so against you and what you represent.
Psychopaths are not capable of love. Nine times out of ten these types detached early on in their life. There’s an entire science behind it, they can not love. They do not have a conscience. Do not forget this.
Advice: Every time you're let down, or left devastated and confused with fright remember why, write it down if you must so you can see who the person making you feel this way is. Remember this is not to be taken lightly, they’re morally insane and do not care, and they’re very real - The Psychopath. Your best bet is to refuse their game, but scorn them? Warrior up, ladies. Fast.
The physical attraction:
The attraction you have towards them is relentless, and you cannot get away from it. You desire their touch more than you ever have anyone else’s or may even thought could be possible.
The sexual desires and comfortability with them will be extreme to a point that you find yourself feeling sexier than ever and more desired than you have ever been. The laws of attraction are real, but this attraction will be obsolete of boundaries.
The Psycho will become demanding in a sweet way for a while. Odd, I know but it’s possible, and frankly, somewhat fascinating. They will eventually strip you of your boundaries. The physical aspect will mostly focus on their needs, and how amazing they are in bed.
This too can slip through your radar because it’s that gratifying to your insecurities, and self. Let this catch your attention. It will be something different from anyone in your past. Instantly you could not imagine being with anyone else, and the love you make affirms you are their only one. If you are dealing with a psychopath, you're not the only one. Not even close.
The Perfect Attention and Affection
The affection and attention from a psychopath are powerful, hypnotizing, and very well personalized to your exact style of the love languages, and romantic desires. They will test a few ways of adoring you and every reaction gives them the information they need. This is how they further their charm game but mostly, how they inject themselves into your emotions.
The goal is to be able to control you and your moods. It works. Now, they are stealing your heart, but your mind, and sense of self too. That’s not love. It’s a malevolent approach to catch and control you without you knowing it.
They get fullfillment, an ego boost, and entertainment from this and you will have no idea it is happening. Unfortunately, it has exposed you entirely. You're now known on an intimate level that is leaving you very vulnerable with a very dangerous person.
This will not end up well. Do be careful with this information as you don’t want to be emotionless or unresponsive to the affection a new person is giving you. There’s a chance its real. Just stay alert, keep your boundaries, and watch the pace.
Expressions of their Deepest Feelings for you Quickly.
Instantly there’s a bond that has formed because of their intense interest in you and desire for you from day one. What you need to know is that it’s a psychotic bond that’s being methodically formed to make you feel they are your soul mate, and they may even tell you this or that they love you in a small amount of time after meeting them.
This is a red flag, especially if there are other signs of control issues, and moving quickly. They do this to create a vision of them, of 'the us' in your mind. This in turn also makes it difficult to walk away. That version they implanted will always sit in the hope section of your mind.
That will happen because who you met; your soul-mate isn’t the same person at all anymore. But that version of them, that keeps a fantasy of the person you love alive in your mind with a heart desperate for them to come back to you. They won’t. Accept this and move on and away, far away if you can.
Inability to offer an Authentic Apology - Remorselessness
A piece of my Story: Eagerly I was waiting for him to wake up. It was the morning after he had beat me up worse than any time before in our relationship. My infant and I hid in another bedroom once I got away until he passed out. I didn’t get any shut eye. That morning, I was eager. I just expected and knew he would be regretful on his knees begging for forgiveness. I was wrong. Instead, he walked out of our bedroom dressed and ready to leave for the football gathering we had planned to attend. Without speaking a word he walked passed me as if I wasn’t sitting there all black and blue. He then preceded to leave us and go to the event. I went on behind him later, but I was devasted.
As I pull up I saw him reveling with a beer in his hand just laughing like he had no cares in the world. He sure was nice to me in front of our friends and he did something that looked amazing, but it didn’t feel right. He made it a point to passionately kiss me in front of the friends he thought I was telling what happened to my eye to. I wasn’t but that act caught my attention. It was odd behavior considering the facts from behind our doors the entire night before. His best friend even questioned me about my black eye and didn’t believe the lies I told him.
His best friend knew he had harmed me and from then on, any security I had left in our relationship was gone. Plus, he was projecting an alternate reality of 'us'. It was off-putting and the start of a dreadful end years later.
That is remorselessness in full form if I’ve ever seen it, and I should have run, but terror, and love combined with the gaslighting kept me in limbo.
My point in sharing this is to give a real-life example of how they do not hide who they are behind closed doors, but in public they are prince charming. Also, to bestow remorselessness at its finest upon you. Do know that no one will ever believe you about who they really are until they slip, and it could be years before they do.
“If there is chaos and confusion everywhere, and nothing makes any sense, there is probably a sociopath at helm.” - Anonymous
Presence of High Narcissism
Narcissism is an actual personality disorder, not merely a vain individual. It goes much deeper and methodical than vanity ever could. Narcissists feed off attention so ignoring them is how to fight back best, but it also enrages them so you’re almost between a rock and a hard place here.
Narcissist are right up there with psychopaths, and I'll say due to my experience, the mayhem and confusion and insanity bring to your life, especially one scorned is probably a psychopath on some part of the spectrum.
Accuses you of Emotions that they are Intentionally Provoking
They say or do something that hurts you, breaks you, or causes you to cry or maybe yell. What they did warrants your emotions, but they will then use them against you while denying their actions to have been so damning.
They provoke a behavior they can judge, humiliate, taunt you about, and complain to others over. It’s all part of their way of trying to break you down into who they need you to be or seem to be. Therefore, they can go live their life however they wish whilst you’re still loving them faithfully.
Yet because of your 'crazy' behavior and outlandish emotions no one frowns upon them but in turn feel bad for them. This is always a good showcasing of how they are pre-meditative, and a psychopath.
You Are My Possession
Psychopaths do not have respect, or value anyone else’s rights or lives. You’re an object to them not their love. They own you and work vigorously to mold you into who they want and need you to be in a way that satisfies but mostly entertains them and their sadistic needs.
Over time this will start to make you feel disgusted about yourself, and self-worth could take a huge fall. Run like the wind if this is going on,
it causes more damage than anyone who has not experienced it can ever understand.
The pure hell, and the aftermath that comes from involvement with a psychopath can break you. I swear it. What it can do to you mind is unsettling. It has that much impact. Psychopaths are not capable of love, and they can’t feel or care to. Just remember, let no one define you or bully you into silence, or into doing anything that is not you. Define yourself. Know yourself and own your worth. You’re to be a loved girlfriend, fiancé or wife, not a caged animal or slave.
Everything is a Competition
You may start to notice that everything is a competition. It’s between them and you, even their friends. Although their friends do not catch this you will because you are their number one opponent, and they are determined to make sure they hold a higher hierarchy than you do, and they will intentionally build you up to just break you down.
They use this tactic with hopes to wear you down, then eventually out. They will support then start to keep you from your goals, or anything they want to beat you at. It becomes exhausting and it will be a reason that helps you walk away. If you try, you will be able to start seeing the solutions in all the problems your psychopath is causing. I promise.
Further traits, and signs to be aware of:
They are very active and always moving around, expecting the same from you.
You fear any fight will be your last fight, and this is every time there is an argument.
Fanatical about humiliating & breaking down successful, kind and ambitious people.
Their friends have an extreme admiration for them although they speak of them poorly behind their backs and tend to bring them down when excited or happy over an accomplishment. Their friends tend to give off a scent of fear, and they grovel often to them.
Gaslighting - Educate yourself on this method. It focuses on keeping a person in a constant state of confusion with the goal in mind to get them to start questioning and doubting themselves as they haven’t ever done before.
Overstates emotions while displaying none of them. Actions speak louder than words and the psycho will never follow up. They tend to be constant let downs.
Your feelings do not matter, nor do possible consequences for their actions, lies, behavior, etc.
They will use what you entrusted to them and what they secured in you, against you.
Only you will see who they are. They will stop at nothing to not lose their masks, or risk being exposed. Do not put anything passed them, but do not give them too much credit or power.
Angered If You Upset Them
Watch your back, especially if you did anything in public to upset, embarrass them or that gave them the impression you’re trying to expose them. They will come at you tsunami style with rage, and often abuse in all forms.
They will then see you - their possession now as their enemy, and they will be relentless in making you pay. Stay guarded and be wise. The havoc these personalities cause and the aftermath of it is exhausting, outlandish, and suffocating.
Do not think for a second they forgive either, even if you did nothing they say you did. They lie and live out their own realities, not the actual one you and everyone else including the psycho is living.
Always know your enemy, and never forget the psychopath will always be your enemy even whilst giving you flowers and kissing your cheek. Now, go amour yourself up, and love your life enough to care to protect it.
If you educate yourself well, and stand firm following your instincts you will make it through easier than most. I provided a few of the many links to helpful and informative sites for further information and help for anyone trying to survive a Narcissist.
Partner Checklist: Click this link. This goes to a legitimate trait checklist for narcissism. This checklist is valid and will help you see if your partner is a narcissist.
Traits List: For research and reference.
Survival Checklist: This checklist is to help the victims of a narcissist if you happen to be one. This along with therapy, and support should help you and bring some relief and power back. It is very informative as well as helpful for survival.
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence please contact the
National Domestic Violence Support Team at a safe time and place
24-hour National Domestic Violence