Chantelle Baker - The Night That Changed My Life.
by Team Mama Wins | Chantelle Baker | October 16th, 2018
His hands slithered around my body,
like a snake sizing up its owner for meal day.
His eyes consumed with flames,
which weren’t caused by my full, nor swaying hips,
something was hidden behind the flames,
and as the smoke cleared his eyes revealed his true self.
Like Jim Crow laws he was ready for segregation.
Let me take a moment to day dream about
him slowly gliding his fingertips across
using his fingers to slowly pass my lips,
awakened by reality,
I feel the impact of his hand,
connecting to my jaw bone like the
Muhammad Ali KO to Sony Liston.
I was 22 years of age with a two year old son, when I encountered a fatal night that would help shape the woman I am now. After encountering domestic violence whilst my son had to watch the gruesome acts it changed me in many ways; I became lost as to who I was as an individual. I went through a range of emotions; anger, resentment, betrayal, guilt but never did I imagine through all that pain I would eventually feel free, using those supressed emotions to ignite and fuel a powerful woman that I never knew existed within me.
From a woman’s wound we were both created,
You watch me give life,
So did you think that gave you the power to try and obliterate mine?
Laying on the kitchen floor, with fear all over my face,
Side aching from your thunder fists using my sides as your punching bag.
Our son screaming “Daddy! Stop hitting Mummy”
Did you plan this night for my demise?
Your size 10 feet connecting to my jawbone,
sending my face to hit the tile floor
Like someone slamming on their brakes
and their head hitting the dashboard.
I think most people allow their pain to suffocate and box them in a corner, but I am proof that no matter what you may think is the end of you in a particular moment you can bounce back from it, providing that you have the willpower to say “this is NOT where I want to be and I’m ready to become the person I know I want to be”.
Let me tell you first hand, domestic violence eats away at you, strips you bare, you start to lose sense of self. It leaves you in a state of confusion, isolation and depression. It leaves a mental scar, that I have to deal with each day but I somehow have to hold myself together, remind myself of how far I’ve come, so that I do not allow myself to go down a spiral.
I am more than just a domestic abuse survivor. I am a mother, owner of a flourishing business, healthcare professional, author and I am alive to see my seven year old son start his own business (a juice company).
I made a decision that night I almost lost my life to domestic abuse; I vowed I would not return to the perpetrator, that I would create a better life for my son and I, that night became more than a vow, I made it my reality.
“Your present circumstances don't determine where you go; they merely determine where you start”- Nido Quebin
But I leave you readers with this:“Turn your pain into power”
Want to connect?
You can contact Chantelle Baker at www.treidollz.com