by Anu Verma
Unfortunately, I have been in two narcissistic relationships, both which involved control, manipulation and betrayal.
My first toxic relationship, started out great, as they usually do. His initial words and actions made me feel like I was on a pedal stool. He showered me with romantic dinners and made it seem as though we had similar interests.
He had an opinion about all of my family and friends - including my parents. He made it seem as though nobody had my best interest at heart, and that I was so much better off without them. He purchased jewellery which was antique, so I had no idea what it would have cost him.
The gaslighting started when he used to make me feel guilty if I could not meet him and he would sulk, which would make me feel bad, so I would cancel my plans to go and see him.
He informed me that he had a very successful 'house of multiple occupancy' business which was bringing in good money. I was wowed and thought I had finally found my 'Prince Charming' as I called him.
Unfortunately, all of these words of his were lies, as I found out his true colours, after he had deceived me out of £6,500, by using my credit card to purchase a Panerai watch!
He had promised that he would pay the credit card bill when it came through, as he had rental money coming through that month from an overdue tenant and so he was waiting for the cash to turn up in his bank account.
I was left dazzled and confused, however, I trusted that he would pay my credit card bill when his money came through. I found out later that there was no money coming through from any tenant and my credit card bill had not been paid.
Weeks passed and the relationship turned sour as I began to demand my money back. He began to use this as a way to control and abuse me.
The relationship ended, I took him to court and won. He attempted to appeal against the judge’s decision, thankfully he lost both appeals.
He is paying me back to this day through monthly instalments, which is empowering for me and an absolute sign of victory.
I am glad that he wasn’t able to get away with this because I know that in his previous relationships, the women were left bruised and traumatised by him as he had won and gained
the power and control that he desired due to his own insecurities.
This is common for narcissists and so we need to gain back our power and control to stand up for ourselves and for our rights.
Let’s not let the abusers win.
Anu Verma is the founder of Victim2Victor.net Anu's website, book and podcast aim to empower and inspire survivors, showing them that healing from sexual and domestic abuse is possible.