If It Feels Like Abuse - Turst Yoursef, It Probably Is.
by Team Mama Wins | Jennifer Blue | October 16th, 2018
1 in 4 women experience domestic violence in their lifetime. I was one of those women. Every 9 seconds a woman is assaulted by her husband/partner, I was one of those women. Three plus women die every day from domestic violence…I could have been one of those women.
I was 18 yrs old and my world was a mess when I met “HIM” but he came into my life like a knight in shining armor and I knew he was going to be my happily ever after. Even after he hit me the first time he said he was sorry and it would never happen again. Then, the second time he hit me, he said he was sorry and even cried this time and promised it would never happen again. I believed him that time and every time after that just like I believed that I was not a victim of Domestic Violence.
In my mind these were just arguments that would get out of control but guess what - I CAN CHANGE HIM. I was in such a state of denial that even when I looked in the mirror and would see black eyes looking back at me, the bruises on my legs and arms, replaying the hurtful words he would say to me in my mind I still wasn’t a victim of domestic violence.
The few friends I confided in about the abuse would give me the famous ”just leave him” speech, a couple gave me information about domestic violence shelters. I couldn’t understand why they kept mentioning domestic violence and shelters - I wasn’t a victim, why they couldn’t get that through their heads I did not know! I just needed some girl talk to vent about it without it turning into a Dr. Phil session which it always would.
Looking back, I have to say, I have the most amazing friends despite their frustrations with me & my denial they never stopped being there for me. If you have a friend going through domestic violence don’t stop being their support system they need to know they have a safe place with your friendship. So many victims including me at that time don’t want to leave our relationship we just wanted the abuse to stop. But unfortunately in most cases it’s not going to stop until the abuser seeks help and yes we know we should leave trust me. We just don’t see a future without him yet.
When I met “HIM” I saw a future completely different than what played out. I didn’t see all the verbal, emotional, financial and physical abuse. I didn’t see all the infidelity and the two children that would come into our family from those affairs. I didn’t see him beating me up in the parking lot of bar at my cousins birthday party and it taking five men to pull him off me. I never imagined him spitting on me or him hitting me in the face with his car keys that would leave stains of blood in our driveway. I definitely didn’t see him beating me while I was driving with our one and a half year old daughter in the car almost causing us to crash.
But it took for my child to almost be physically hurt from the Domestic Violence to finally wake up. Even though we had a son together and children from previous relationships that I now know were deeply affected by the abuse in the home. And after 17 yrs of a lot of pain and heartaches, it took that one night for me to get it…I COULDN’T CHANGE HIM.
I had to dig deep inside and find the courage and inner strength to put myself and my kids first. I had to stop telling myself the lie of
“I can’t leave because of the kids” I had to stop being delusional and believing that staying in a house of abuse was better for the kids then being in a house of peace.
That one beautiful August summer night filled with chaos and hearing my daughter’s screams in the back of the car woke me up from the nightmare of abuse and I finally left him for good.
I’ll be honest it was hard living in a world where he wasn’t my world anymore. It hurt seeing him move on so quickly with other women. It was as if I meant nothing to him for the past 17 years and that right there is what helped me make the decision of either letting what he put me through make me bitter or make me better. I choose better and that’s when I met my knight in shining armour - God!
It was through this relationship that I finally admitted I was a victim of domestic violence but now I was a survivor! Once I dropped all the bitterness, unforgiveness and anger my purpose was revealed.
I decided to take all the bad and turn into good like the bible says! It was a process believe me, but I had to go on the journey of self healing and it was difficult at times but it was also amazing at times and in the end it was absolutely worth it!
On that journey a book was written, an award winning stage play was written, The Jennifer Blue Project was developed and I discovered me, so many amazing things came from that journey. I’m so thankful I didn’t let my past define my future. I urge you to live your best life now no matter what you’ve been through!
“There is Life after Abuse and it’s a Fabulous One”
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