Navigating Dating As A Single Mama - pt 2
When It's Time To Meet The Kids
by Jewel Newsome | Team Mama Wins | Aug 30th, 2018
When all of the fun, flirty, preliminary dating is going on, in the back of your mind, you’ll probably be thinking things along the lines of , “I really think this could work” and “I think he should meet the kids”.
Once those thoughts roll to the forefront of your brain, it’s time to have ‘The Talk’. And I’m not talking about the birds & the bees! It’s a good idea for you and your guy to have a conversation about your very real reality: you’re a mom and with you, comes your kids. It’s a package deal.
Talks like these should (‘should’ being the operative word, here) go one of two ways:
He understands that your children are here to stay, and he’s okay with it. Y’all further discuss important things like consistency, realizing that your kids come first, etc. Also, consider speaking about the possibility of long term plans. If everything is still peachy & great after this talk, move forward however you choose.
He realizes that, inevitably, by him being part of your life he’d (somewhere down the line) end up being part of your kids’ lives, and that’s just something he doesn’t want to take on. If you choose to stay with him and not involve the kids, that’s fine. Just be careful to not get attached to someone that doesn’t see a serious future with you. The more time you spend together, the more feelings will get involved & that’s what can lead to disappointment and hurt.
If the first scenario plays out, then it’s time to talk with the kids.
You might be excited, nervous, nauseous, and more! This is a really big step in the right direction (hopefully!). Now, it’s just a matter of figuring out how you’re going to make this a fun, enjoyable experience.
You have to go about this carefully. Here are a few tips for that fun, first date:
You should all go somewhere fun! – With your kids being the focal point, it’s a good idea to set this meet-up at a location you know they’d enjoy. An indoor trampoline park, go-carting, an amusement park, or anything they like is a good idea. Also make sure it’s something your guy can enjoy, too. It’s best that all parties feel comfortable with everything that’s going on because, if they don’t, it’ll show through body language, vibes, attitudes, etc.
Don’t meet somewhere you & your kids have memories. – Whether the memories are good or bad, don’t meet there. Bad memories can change attitudes which then translate into vibes that are put out & felt, and that can start this experience in a way you never even considered. A place that has good memories should be reserved for just you & your kids until you fully know that your guy is really in it for the long haul. It’d be terrible to have good memories tarnished by the memory of someone that’s no-longer around.
You (Yes, YOU!) have to relax. – Your excitement is just as present as your nervousness but you have to remember to breath. Let things happen as they should. Pay close attention to how interaction pans out and how things are said & done but it’s a good idea for you to let things happen naturally. Trying to control and orchestrate every second, minute, & hour of your meet-up can easily make it go south. If things are meant to work out, they’ll work out. Just let it happen.
Talk to your kids. – If your kids are old enough to understand dating & relationships, explain things on their level. You really like this guy and he really likes you, and you’d like for him to meet your kids so y’all can all be comfortable around each other. If things are successful and continue to progress, a deeper & carefully planned talk should follow. Some kids say they don’t care about these kinds of things but, trust me, they’ll appreciate you talking to them because this new person in your life will somehow effect their life too.
This whole dating process is quite the roller coaster but, if executed to the best of your ability, it can be a fun ride. With everything that can change your life, involve your kids. They will always be part of you so it’s only right that you incorporate them in the best and safest way possible. Enjoy this process! It can be a beautiful one for everyone involved.
Author Jewel Newsome. Want to connect with Jewel?