“Well, here’s to you Mrs Robinson.”
Were the words I woke up to after spending the night with a much younger man. I laughed, of course, and we woke up together many more times after that too.
So, what is the appeal of the older woman, younger man relationship? For me, I had no idea it was a ‘thing’ until I was single again and started online dating.
I didn’t know I had a ‘type’, then I began swiping right and realised, that pretty much every guy I swiped on was around fifteen to eighteen years younger than me.
I was 46 when I started online dating, and rarely looked at the age of the men I was attracted to. Even though I have the app age settings set from 30 up to my age, interestingly I never swipe on anybody older, not purposely, I’m just not attracted to guys of my own age.
I was concerned at first, wondering if the age gap appeals, or more repels. But, I can safely say it’s very much an appeal. However, not all matches are made in heaven. “I always had a fantasy about a teacher at school”, “I fancied my friend’s mum”. Urgh, no thanks. “I’m a virgin and want an older woman to show me the way”. Definitely not for me.
On asking younger men why they are interested in an older woman, it usually brings similar answers. Because we are ‘mature, we know what we want, we have soft bodies, we are experienced, don’t bring as much drama as a woman of the same age’.
Whilst some of this I agree with; I do know what I like in the bedroom, and what I don’t like. And I’m happy to tell a man to stop, start, try this instead. I do wish that I had had this knowledge, and confidence back when I was twenty and my sex life consisted of making a lot of noise to please the partner I was with. Ultimately making them feel as though they were doing a great job, when in fact I didn’t really get anything out of it.
In retrospect, this doesn’t make someone a great sexual partner because they have been misled from the start. They have understood that a noisy partner is someone having multiple orgasms through their physical expertise, but it’s basically all sounds, with no payoff. Most of us know the orgasm scene in ‘When Harry met Sally’ (if you don’t, watch it). I’ve met a tiny number of women over the years who say they have experienced multiple orgasms, not me, still waiting...
The positives for me have been enormous. I’m an older woman with a mummy tummy, but getting naked with a hot, younger somebody who wants to devour you, is a huge confidence boost. Plus they want to go out and do all the fun stuff; gigs, parties, conversations with interesting people, which keeps the brain matter working and also keeps you young at heart.
The Mrs Robinson syndrome does have its negatives of course. Those younger men are probably going to want to start a family at some point, that’s when the fun is over, and you’re reminded quite harshly of the age gap.
But, as they say, plenty more fish in the sea....
Cat Cooper is a forty something, single mum who lives in North London with her ten year old daughter. She is writing her first book about the roller-coaster ride that is online dating, post millennium and post her own break-up. Life’s curve balls can really throw you, and starting over has certainly been a journey of self discovery. It wasn’t until her girlfriends who enjoyed her stories so much and encouraged her to write them down, that she decided to share them. The dating research continues...