Stella Eden – Domestic Violence Survivor - Now Author Of, 'The Right To Be Me'
Here at Mama Wins we want to be loud about this dangerous, and life-stealing issue, and we have decided to bring in the voice of survivor, and now author to increase the decibels on this still very neglected issue.
Her name is, Stella Eden and it is because of people like her all the victims and survivors of domestic abuse that are out there can see they are not alone, and there are others who can relate to the outlandish episodes blowing our minds every day in abuse, and in the aftermath of surviving it.
Since Stella came from a life growing up in a violent, and abusive home, she did not have a hard time understanding how she ended up in such a toxic marriage. It was all she ever knew, so it was a normalcy, but not one long lived.
She fell victim to what she thought was love, and the feeling of being loved left her open, and it entrapped her into the arms of a sinister plot to destroy her; into abuse. Eighteen years she was a captive in her marriage withstanding psychological, physical, verbal, and financial abuse. She did break free, but the rampage of abuse continued, even accelerated as it often does after the escape. Stella would endure another five years of terror that left her nearly homeless, and bankrupt. Without much help, and the odds against her Stella would come to find how hard escaping and maintaining her freedom would be, but she made it. She is proof it can be done even in a world still turning its cheek away from the reality of domestic violence.
"My mission is that by sharing my story, it will help those who do not understand domestic abuse to gain better knowledge of it."
Now the author of 'Right to be Me.' It is a tragic and remarkable story that Stella gives us, and she holds nothing back in hopes to be a part of the cure of this epidemic choking our world more and more every second of every day. By page fifteen comes an intense wish that this book was Fiction. Within its pages of horror there can be found hope and the beauty of the rising from ashes of abuse. Her fight continues as she recovers, and her book is only the beginning of her movement towards bringing more awareness to domestic abuse, and how it can no longer go on being ignored.
Recovery from domestic abuse takes much time, and effort toppled with blood, sweat, and tears. Stella Eden’s bravery is a limited edition. It is quite the anomaly for a survivor to break the silence. For, at one-point, silence was a tool needed to survive the abuse every day, and then that silence becomes a survivor’s worst enemy. Silence was the enemy all along though. Now, with courage Stella has already become a stepping stone to defeating that enemy.
Know this - there are nearly 20,000 calls made daily due to domestic violence. Twenty people per second are being physically assaulted by their significant other and after calculations of the unhidden facts we see almost 10 million people a day are abused and exposed to domestic violence without any help. Nothing about those numbers is okay. So today we break the silence. Today we join Stella and start moving towards change.
What is your desire for your mission about bringing awareness about domestic violence?
My mission is that by sharing my story, it will help those who do not understand domestic abuse to gain better knowledge of it, and highlighting the difficulties we are often faced with, and most of all to help those who find themselves in a similar situation to find their voice and courage to change their lives too.
Can you tell us about the moment you chose to break free from your abuser (s) what ignited the courage to break away?
I slumped on the floor exhausted. I was informed help was on its way, but when it came, and the door locked behind me; it was clear the help that came was not for me but for the perpetrator. They came over and grabbed both my wrists, held them above my head and informed me that I was mentally ill. They kept telling me that if I had tried harder none of this would be happening. Whilst ignoring my cries and pleas to let me go. I was allowed one phone call, but I did not get to choose who to call. The perpetrator would make that decision. Whilst being restrained I heard him make the call, and calmly say, “Can you hear her? She is hysterical, she is smashing the contents of this house.” It was the turning point and they were all in it together—the perpetrator and his parents.
I didn’t know how I was going to get out, but I knew when the opportunity came I would. After three hours of emotional, psychological, and physical abuse I managed to make my escape.”
As a survivor, what have you learned that you wish you had known before starting the recovery process that could be helpful for those feeling hopeless and desperate for liberation and healing coming from a similar situation?
Recovery from the aftermath isn’t easy. It takes time - we all need to heal and do so at different rates. At times it is a relentless battle within yourself, but I can assure you it will be worth it - keep going.
Who is your biggest supporter?
Stella Eden “My beloved who has seen me at my worst and watched me grow into the person I was meant to be, and who still loves me unconditionally.”
Who or what inspires you the most?
Stella Eden “Inspiration comes in many forms. It comes from the people I personally know. It comes from the random conversations I have with unknown people during my journey who often share something that inspires me. It comes from the places I have visited, the books I have read, and from the walks I have taken to get lost and stumble upon wonderful graffiti artwork. Life has so much to offer out there, and it really is incredible.”
Where do you draw your strength from?
My dreams, and I intend to chase every one of them.
Writing, 'The Right to be Me, was very challenging in re-visiting past experiences that are painful, and traumatic, and then in trying to convey all of it into words. Anxiety levels were sky high, and a lot more tears were released."
How do you find peace and a sound mind in moments of fear, doubt and worry during your recovery process? How did you while incarcerated by abuse?
Many times in our lives we are all faced with terrible situations that our beyond our control. Focusing on the positives will get you through, and always remember that your current situation is not your final destination.
What inspired you to have the courage to write your book?
Domestic abuse strips everything away from who you are as a person, and what is left is an empty shell of a person. I needed to know who I was. I needed to know what I liked as I couldn’t even tell you my favorite colour. I could barely speak because of the impact. To find out and understand what had happened I started to write my story.
Was writing your book an emotional journey? How so? What did you experience while writing it?
Writing, 'The Right to be Me, was very challenging in re-visiting past experiences that are painful, and traumatic, and then in trying to convey all of it into words. Anxiety levels were sky high, and a lot more tears were released. What came from writing my story has helped me in so many ways. The more I wrote this picture started to develop and it revealed the full horror I wasn’t even aware of. Acknowledging this helped me to move forward and let go of what I had been carrying through-out my life - GUILT. Also, it helped me understand how I ended up being in an unhealthy relationship and recognizing the signs. Most importantly, it has brought me to a place where I got to reconnect with myself and find my voice.
What is your word? The word that represents your journey and represents you.
What is your mantra, your life’s mood?
I can be changed by what happens to me.
But, I refuse to be reduced by it.
- Maya Angelou
Along with your book and amazing Instagram feed what else do you have planned or would like to do more of for bringing awareness and regarding recovery?
Thank you. I continue to share my experience through interviews and speaking at events. There is in the pipeline a sequel to, 'The Right to be Me' I will be delighted to share it with everyone in the future. Watch this space.
'The Right To Be Me' is now available.
Want to connect?
You can reach Stella Eden via
If you or anyone you know is at risk of Domestic Violence please contact the National Domestic Violence Helpline – run in partnership with Women's Aid
United Kingdom 0808 2000 247
United Staes of America 1-800-799-7233